Tragedy & Grief

Hand in hand they march,

Tragedy a half step ahead

Grief tugged along with little resistance

Misfortune laughs, three paces out of sight

And the trio set out into the night

Misfortune came into my life at the beginning of May, when Cruz got herself cast during the overnight. Nobody saw it, but she did get herself unstuck. When she was found in the morning, she wouldn't put weight on the leg.

Farrier, vet, x-rays, ultrasounds. The hoof was intact, no sign of abscess. No surface skin broken, no broken bones, a bad bruise to the coffin.

Aggressive cold hosing, icing.

But an abscess emerged, with an angry, aggressive demand to find escape. Her hooves were so strong the abscess couldn't escape through the sole; instead it went for the frog, and towards the heel bulbs.

Tragedy made herself known, and struck hard.

I have never seen an abscess be so aggressive. I have never felt so helpless doing what veterinary professionals told me to do.

The abscess blew out both heels, opening angry holes in delicate tissue. The blood flow and circulation to her hoof were both compromised. Cruz went to the emergency clinic on Wednesday the 18th, and she didn't come home.

She was the most beautiful baby, gentle and kind and curious. She wanted so much to learn and do and explore. She greeted me every day with a whiney, musical and as beautiful as she was.

I will miss her ever-so-slight parrot toothed nibbles, my plain bay wrapper with the tiny upsidedown heart on her forehead, just above the whirl. Her swath of curly forelock in an otherwise thick and beautiful mane. Those incredible dancer legs, and how carefully she was learning how to place them, how beautiful she was when she actually, finally, was allowed to run around a field again.

The way she wrapped her head and neck around me to give me a hug.

The softness of her face. Her gentleness.

She was too young. I will miss her so much.

RIP Cruz

4/16/19 - 5/18/22

Grief has settled here, her free hand clasping mine

Bracing against me and holding me captive all at once

Tragedy giggles and departs, leaving us to wallow.